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[11 Dec 2003|01:09am] |
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mood |
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well its been far to long since ive been out on the road with bands. almost forgot what to do. it seems to be coming back to me now on the road with sugarcult. ive seen a lot of people i haven't seen in awhile. i missed them. they haven't seen me yet but soon enough they will.
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[26 Oct 2003|05:48pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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so it's been awhile since i've been able to update. good to be back on top. anyways. things are looking good. i have some work lined up. going to hit the road with the boys of Goldfinger they need a couple extra hands to help so i figure why the hell not. the money's pretty and the sights are even better.
been talking to a bunch of my old friends lately. we've been doing some stupid shit. we've also planned a lot of things to happen soon. gunna get some of them out on the road with me. they want to... meet the bands that goldfinger is touring with. that should be fun.
been surfing around reading journals. i dont even know any of the people who leave notes in mine. whatever. happen to stumble upon...joel's seems as if his love life is having some problems. i called that one. its ok. im sure ill run into him soon. i always was better for him.
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[08 Oct 2003|09:48pm] |
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mood |
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horny |
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i made him mine again. it was beautiful. for the first time i finally got to feel him. my god it was so much better than i have dreamnt about. i loved it. i just wish it wouldnt have been on a bathroom floor. oh well. it was still so fucking hot. i dont think ive ever cumed that hard in my life.
went to the after party last night. he walked into the bathroom so i locked the door i knew where it was headed. i needed it so fucking bad. i grabbed him and laid him on the floor removing him of his hands and boxers. no need to remove shirts we didnt have much time. i removed my pants as well. my god it was so fucking good. it was dry but good. i pushed into him so hard. it was so incredible.
he wasnt hard for me. that little bastard. he's a limp little thing thats for sure it took forever to make him semi hard. no one likes a semi hard dick. i jerked him and jerked him and nothing was happening he just cried. must like it rough. i know he does. he'd call out for benji. poor kid was still brainwashed i made sure to slam into him harder every time he mentioned that freaks name.
finally i cumed. it was so fucking perfect filling him with me he never did get off. its ok. eventually he will. eventually i want to feel him in me. as for now im fine with him being my bitch. he's so fucking perfect. and now he's mine again.
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[07 Oct 2003|01:39am] |
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boo fucking hoo. a fucking restraining order. do you think that will keep me from seeing him? i love him. he loves me too. his fucking sick ass brother has him brain washed. thats all. he just needs sometime alone with me. everything will be ok again joel. i promise. ill take care of you. the way it should be. tell we die. you and me. the way it was planned out to be. not you fucking your brother. dont you see baby thats just fucked up. come on baby even you said it makes you nervous in public when touches you. only someone who wasnt truly in love with someone else would say that about the person who was touching them. you love me joel. thats why. you love me.
From the moment you left I knew that something wasn't right.
But the feeling inside has kept me up all night.
You and me are like one heart-beat.
SO SLICE open my veins.
AND LET the romance bleed away.
From the moment you left I knew that something wasn't right.
But the feeling inside has kept me up all night.
You and me are like one heart-beat.
Back into I thought I knew, these words inside me, tell me what to do.
My heart held, in the palm of your hand.
Now I know, the way to go, this place inside my demented mind.
You saw me bleeding on the bathroom floor.
This time in silence, this time I win.
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[05 Oct 2003|03:02pm] |
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Friday night... i got my chance again with him. got to touch him. hold him. then his scumy ass brother pulled me off of him. i dont think he seems to understand that fucking your brother isnt something people think is romantic or cute. i also dont think that they realize the shit i know. i will get him back. he will pay. joel will be mine. thats just how it was meant to be. if he was so in love with his fucking brother than why did he come to me first?
earlier friday i found joel's dressing room. made my way in there. he was in the shower. i decided to hang out in the closet. to watch him. to watch my joel. he had just gotten out of the shower. towel hung low on his hips. he walked over to the mirror. doing his hair. i knew that towel was to low for its own good. it fell off. i couldnt help but touch myself at the image of joel standing there admiring himself naked. fixing his hair. his back muscles moving. mmm fuck almost gets me off at the thought of it.
he's mine. he knows this. i know he does. he was mine and always will be. i've been to all the shows. i watch him every night. moving around. the emotion in his face. i remember when i'd suck on him and get those same recations. thats right when my mouth was around his hot stiff cock and he was moaning my name. it was me first. it will be me last.
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[27 Sep 2003|10:08pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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It's been a week. I kissed him again. God it felt so good. I needed that. I need him. I don't want to lose him again. I'm not going to lose him again. Things were going great it probably would have went much farther besides the fact his brother had to walk in. Of course he stopped the kiss and ran after his brother. Benji is the reason Joel and I aren't together anymore. He's also the reason him and I never really got anywhere. Benji has no right to hate me. He stopped me from having someone. Joel was mine.
I could give him so much. So much more than his brother ever could. Why the fuck can't he see that? He's to fucking blind. Just chasing after his brother like a lost puppy. They're brothers. How much more wrong can you get. Joel and I could be accepted. Him and Benji never will. So what if there close friends don't mind... society never will. society is a bitch. Joel should be mine.
I'm not going to give him up without a fight. He was mine first. He loved me first. It's obvious that Benji doesn't want him anymore... if even ever did. I on the other hand have always wanted my Joel.
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| I set my self up for the greatest fall of all time |
[03 Sep 2003|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Matchbook Romance |
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I'd write in this thing more if I had something interesting to talk about. I had a long conversation with him the other night. I'm not sure where we stand, or how I feel about it. I do know that I still love him. I still miss him like crazy. I know that talking to him the other night made me miss him even more than before.
We talked a lot about the past. What each other has been up to. I know he's in love, I shouldn't come between that. I don't honestly plan too. I just miss him. I still love him. He said that he still loves me too. It made me think, I got butterflys in my stomach when he said that. I don't know why, I'm so childish.
I don't honestly know why I'm kidding myself. He'd never leave the perfect relationship he's in for me. He finally got to have who he wanted. It's sad that him getting the one he wanted meant me losing the only one I've ever wanted. But life is like that, can't always get what you want. It sure would be nice if you could.
I can't believe how emo I've become. I think about him 24/7. I know he's the one who has turned me this emo, I just don't want that to come out the wrong way. I don't want him to think he's "hurt" me or anything like that. I knew going into that relationship that it wouldn't last. I was ok with that, I just don't know if I am anymore. Although now I have to be. I miss him a lot.
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[29 Aug 2003|12:18am] |
Wow, a live journal. To tell you the truth I'm not exactly sure why I got one of these. Actually yes I do, Him. I found him, I found his journal. I want to say something to him, I want to tell him how much I miss him. He's happy now though, or at least it seems that way. I should have known, he always used to talk about wanting someone he could never have.
I really miss our late night phone conversations that would last all night. Staying up, holding him. He was always such a worry wart. I'd try to tell him, no one would ever know about him and I. He was always very cautious of us either way.
I really miss him. Who he's with now is probably luckier than they'll ever know. I'd kill to be that person, what him and I had never really got a chance to blossom. I wish it would have, I wish he would have thrown caution into the wind, and just give us more of a shot.
Either way as much as I dont want to say that I do, I understand. He was always and probably forever will be the sweetest person I've ever met. He was always so innocent.
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